Another Year Around The Sun

My Birthday Last Year Chronic and Cozy

My Brothers Wedding Chronic and Cozy

Today is my 22nd Birthday, which is kind of weird to think about. To be honest, I was not of the healthiest mind in middle school and high school, so I didn't necessarily PLAN this far. I also didn't really expect to have the medical issues that I have.

My early adult life was... interesting to say the least. I went to college in Arizona for 3 years, studying Theology, and that 3 years alone was extremely traumatic and intense. My freshman year I was a victim of sexual assault, had a pretty awful relationship with my roommate (we're kinda cool now? I think? I don't talk to her much), cracked my head open, got mono, and lost all of my friends in the matter of a few months. My sophomore year was significantly better, but my health was starting to get a lot worse, and court for the sexual assault started, which took an even bigger toll on my health, especially because I refused to admit to pretty much anyone in my life that it had happened at that point. Then I went through Junior year, stayed in court, and my health got even worse to the point that I was losing an extreme amount of weight and losing all of the new friends I had made, and ended up moving across the country to live with Jared. So, needless to say, college was awful.

But, the year of being 21 is when everything turned around. I've been in a comfortable living environment, I've able to go back to doctors and therapy, I've been able to start to turn my health around and start gaining weight again, I've started working on my anxiety and stopping it from controlling me all the time, and I've had Jared in my corner for every part of it and helping me navigate everything. Nothing is getting magically better, don't get me wrong, but I am noticing important improvements in areas that will help me get to a more functional place in the long run, too. 21 to 22 has been a year of healing, getting better, and learning new ways to manage myself and function at a higher level for longer periods of time. 21 to 22 has been a year of figuring out what I need and taking little (and sometimes big) steps to change the things that I can change to make myself a better and more fun person to be around. But most importantly, 21 to 22 has been a really, really good year.

For 22, I have a lot of hopes and dreams, some more astronomical than others, but more than anything I want to continue to work on beating my anxiety. It has taken over my life in so many ways, and I’m finally feeling what it’s like to not feel like the world is ending all the time. It’s so refreshing. I also hope to help at least one person through my Chronic and Cozy journey. Posting about your life and your new business online is really, really scary. So, if I can encourage one person out there with a chronic illness to try crochet, or clean their house, or get up and take a shower, something that feels so easy but is so so hard some days… that’s a massive accomplishment to me. That would make this entire next year. I love to help people in any way that I can, and now that my body won’t let me do it in the ways I like to, I want to be able to help people in other ways. I also want to bring advocacy to people who are dealing with lifelong invisible illnesses, of all kinds. Not just the ones that I have. Everyone deserves to be advocated for and cared for in any way possible. 

For 22, I hope that my body gets better. I’ve been in such a regression for so long, even with gaining weight, that I would love to be able to have the energy and strength I had two years ago. I can’t walk around a grocery store without a cart or making sure that my cane is on me, now, and that hasn’t been an issue, ever, for me. So, I guess I’m hoping this year is a year of physical strength, too, not just mental strength. Anyway, thank you for spending a little bit of time with me today.

Peace, Love, and all the above,

Ella Marie <3